Damaged Goods

I've had the worst few days of my entire life. It started a few nights ago when Daddy took my food away before we went to bed. I was starving! At least he let me sleep with him all night.

There wasn't any food when I woke up either. Daddy got cleaned up and put shoes on before Anneedabus went to work for the first time in a long time. When he told me we were going for a car ride, something about the way he said it made me think we weren't going to work. I tried to run away but they caught me.

We ended up at the doctor. Sometimes the doctor is mean to me. He was nice last time so I was hoping for the best.

The lady at the desk was very nice. She played with me and scratched my ears while Daddy did paperwork. After that things went south fast. Daddy left without me!

Next thing I knew, a mob of strangers were talking to me. One of them grabbed me and shaved the hair off my front leg. I was terrified. What were these people going to do to me? Where is my Daddy?

I don't really know what happened after that. It's all foggy. I was in and out with just Squirrelly to keep me company. I'm not sure how long it was before I heard Daddy talking to the lady at the desk. When they opened my cage I knew he was taking me back home.

You should see what they did to me. They shaved me from my tail to my chest, sliced me open, and sewed on me like I was a dress or something. I hurt all over, sometimes so much it makes me cry, and I can't get comfortable.

See what they did? Daddy said I'll never be a baby momma. I'm a little upset about it. I love him more than anything in the world but I really don't think this was his decision to make. Oh well...no use crying over spilled milk. Now I can focus on my career.

Daddy has been awfully good to me since we got home. He fed me scrambled eggs for breakfast and boiled chicken for lunch. Yeah, Anneedabus cooked it for him. Daddy has had me in his lap or by his side since we got home yesterday. Good thing. I'm not letting him out of my sight again.

King of the house for a day

Usually Toodles does all the talking. Y'all know she loves to talk, especially if it's about her. But today I'm having to fill in. Toodles is gone.

We got to sleep with the daddies last night even though it wasn't the weekend. We both knew something was up. Daddy put our food up before we went to bed last night, too. Very strange.

This morning Gray-Haired-Daddy got all cleaned up and put on shoes before Daddy left for work. When he said we were going for a car ride, I got all excited. But he said I had to stay. Toodles tried to run away from him. She hasn't learned, and won't the way they let her get by with stuff. They finally caught her. Then GHD took her away. Daddy put me in my crate and went to work. I really didn't think much about it until GHD came back without her.

At first I was glad. Like any little sister Toodles can be a pest. Everything is a fight with her. She's always tearing up my toys, eating my food, taking my chew sticks, and getting all up in my face. She wants whatever I've got. Sometimes she makes me so mad I bite her. And if you know me you know it takes a LOT to get me that mad.

She's too dumb to play Fetch and doesn't know any tricks. When she and Gray Haired Daddy go with us on walks, we don't go far at all and they whine every step of the way. You should see her at the dog park. Toodles is a rude, spoiled, stuck-up little bitch. She won't say hello to any of the people, screams if a dog comes anywhere near her, and spends the entire time shivering like it's the end of the world. Always the drama queen, that one.

OK I admit Toodles has her good qualities. Nobody likes to play games with me as much as she does. Took her a while to catch on to some of the more complicated games, like Chase Me and I Dare You. But now she's good enough for me to be glad I've got three pounds on her. We have a blast running around outside together. And I have to admit, the way she chases me when we're playing Fetch cracks me up.

Sure is quiet around here without her. Kind of boring. Like it was... well... before she got here. I miss her. I hope she comes back.

Our Busy Day

Saturday was a busy day! We started with a long walk. Tico goes for walks with Anneedabus almost every day because he's fat. Me and Daddy usually don't go because he's on Facebook talking with his friends or watching television. Besides, we really don't need the exercise.

After our walk it was time to plant flower bulbs.  Daddy dug holes, so it's really his fault we got so dirty.  Tico and I agreed--the holes needed to be deeper.   We jumped in and dug like crazy when we could.  Daddy never got the message. I hope me and Tico can keep them safe from the squirrels.

Me and Tico played Chase Me.  It's very complicated--you really need to be a dog to understand all the rules.  Since we were outside, the grass was wet and we were already a little dirty we played the all-out version.  Tico kicked my butt good.  I don' think I've ever been so dirty.

Daddy spread wood chips in the dog park that smelled like the treats the cat leaves for us.  Yum!  We looked and looked and looked but never found any.  Instead, we just rolled in the chips until we smelled like cat treats.  It was fun!

Anneedabus said we were the dirtiest dogs he'd ever seen in his whole life.  He also told us good dogs don't smell like cat treats.  He's entitled to his opinion but I really don't think he knows what he's talking about.  He thought we smelled better after he gave us a bath.  Sure, if you like the smell of cheap dog shampoo. 

Shew!  You talk about tired!  We were so tired we barely made it to the couch.  

But we did make it.  And we've been there pretty much ever since.  Chiao! 

Toodles Gets a Job

When I grow up I have to get a job.  Cesar and Victoria told Daddy even little dogs like me and Tico need jobs.  The clock is ticking.  I'm already almost six months old.

Daddy and Anneedabus watch television all the time.  Most the stuff they watch puts me to sleep.  But every now and then something they watch catches my attention.  I LOVE Cesar and Victoria.  What they do with people to make dogs happy is just amazing!  If they say I need a job, who am I to argue?

So about a month ago I started exploring careers.  My resume leaves a lot to be desired.  Sure I can sit, stay and go to the bathroom outside.  But with no work experience, no training, and no papers it's not like I have a lot of options.

Traditional jobs are out.  Seeing eye dog?  Police dog?  Junkyard dog?  Puh-leeze!  Nor do I see myself herding sheep, retrieving dead birds,  flushing rabbits, chasing foxes or running into little holes after anything.  Face it.  I'm just not that kind of girl. 

Celebrity?  Mascot gigs pay well, but are hard to get.  Circus act?  I don't do tricks, period.  Hollywood?  Forget it.  You see more good roles for gays than dogs these days.

What is my gift, and how can I turn it into a career?  A gift is something that others find hard to do that comes easy for you.  And then it hit me.  Nobody could be with Daddy as much as me.  Even when he's surly, stinky from working in the yard, or in the shower there's no place I'd rather be than in his lap or by his side.  It's easy, too.   

It's my job to take care of Daddy. Yeah I know, it doesn't pay very well.  I'll probably never have my own lake like Ennis, or a palace like Socia, 99 & Max. But I know it's what I'm supposed to do.  I am, however, open to becoming famous so go ahead and tell all your friends about me.

Chiao!

Our New Friends

Yesterday we went on a play date to meet some new friends.  Annedabus got to go, too. When Daddy said we were going for a car ride, me and Tico got really excited!   

Our new friends live far, far away.  I had to be a good girl for a really long time--at least 30 minutes.  That's a lot to ask from anyone, especially me. By the time we got there I was thinking this better be good....

We were walking up to the front porch when the door opened and two monsters came rushing out to eat us. I ran back to the car as fast as I could.  When I looked back Daddy was hurrying to catch up with me and the monsters were attacking Tico and Anneedabus.   

Turns out they weren't monsters at all.  Me and Tico are chihuahuas.  Maxwell and 99 are orphans.  Nobody knows what they are because they ran away from their last home.   I don't care.  Except for Tico, Ennis, and that hot little boy chi I saw at the public dog park one day, I don't really like dogs anyway.

Still, Maxwell and 99 seem nice enough. Maxwell, the taller of the two, was under the weather and didn't feel like playing.  Little 99 is sweet, but I'm guessing wasn't the first pup to the teat.  She's just a wee bit slow.  I hope we can get to know each other well enough to be friends.

Then we went  inside and met Socia.  She's not very nice at all.  Between me and you, that girl has got some issues!  We had some words but I think I let her know not to mess with me.  So she's not the only dog in the house anymore.  Get over it!  Tico did and now we're best friends. 

   

At the end of our play date our hostess gave out a prize.  I won!  I think it was for most well-behaved dog.  Wouldn't you know it would be a damn dress!  I let Daddy put it on me and tried to be gracious.  In the end I think it was pretty obvious how I really felt.

We had a good time.  I hope we go for another play date with 99 and Maxwell, and maybe Socia if she goes to anger management classes or something.  Who knows, I might even get out of Daddy's lap long enough to meet one of them nose-to-nose!

The Truth About Ennis

I have been so busy I forgot to tell you about my play date with Ennis! Between renovations to the dog park, Daddy being home all the time and all the rain seems like it was just yesterday. Hard to believe it's nearly been a week! We had quite a visit.

You get to go on a car ride to visit Ennis. Only good dogs get to go for car rides. I love car rides so I try to be good. Daddy says I have to be extra good in the car or he'll throw me out the window and a hawk will get me. I don't think he would, but you can't be too careful.

Have I mentioned that Ennis is rich? You should see his place. It's beautiful! Below is a blurry picture of me admiring the fish in his very own lake. I love to drink out of the lake. It tastes SO much better than tap water.



Ennis has gravel paths all over his dog park. Running in gravel is fun! When you go fast enough gravel flies everywhere! I can run almost as fast as Tico, but Ennis leaves us both in the dust. Ennis told me he loves fast girls. Below you can see he's whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I believed him at the time, but later found out he's all talk and no action.



After a lovely romp in the dog park we went back inside. Tico and Ennis played u-de-bich. Ennis ignored me the whole time. He wouldn't have a thing to do with me and even growled at me when I got too close. He pays a LOT more attention to Tico than he does to me.

Then I noticed that despite being five or six times Tico's size, Ennis was always de bich. Every time. Finally it dawned on me. Ennis is gay! He's too pretty to be straight anyway. Don't you think?



We sure would have made some beautiful puppies. I don't care if he is gay. I still love him. He's the only dog I know besides Tico that doesn't scare me half to death. I know we'll always be friends. I'll just have to keep my eye out for the little chi I saw at the public dog park a few weeks ago. If it was meant to be, our paths will cross again. Until next time, chiao!

Taking Care of Daddy

Daddy worked on our dog park all weekend. He's trying to make it as nice as Ennis's dog park. He's got a long way to go if you ask me.

Daddy lets me help when he works outside. I keep an eye out for squirrels, birds, and monsters. I hear monsters all the time, especially when I go out at night. So far I haven't seen any but I know they are out there...watching me.

I'm really good at digging holes. Apparently not good enough. Every time I start digging Daddy yells at me. Geez! Try to help a guy out and he puts you inside.

Daddy also puts me inside when I get on his nerves. I don't know what that is, but I need to find out. If I stayed off the nerves I could stay outside longer.

I hate being inside when Daddy is outside. Even in my sun puddle there ain't no sunshine when he's gone. Me and squirrely watch him through the door and wait for him to come back in to play with us. Today we waited a really long time.


When he finally did come in, Daddy was soaking wet, muddy, and in need of a bath. He got all wet and soapy. I helped him dry off and cleaned all the soap off real good, especially behind his ears. Then we settled down together on the couch for a little nap.



I like any story that ends in a nap with Daddy!

Not MY Fault!

Me, Tico and Daddy are in big trouble. Anneedabus says he can't take us anywhere. Shoot! I love to go on car rides! He said we leave him no choice. He's laying down the law and all three of us better behave.

It all started when we went on a car ride to have dinner with Ennis and his daddies. Ennis is RICH! He has his own private dog park with a lake, a river, a waterfall, giant rocks, and gravel paths. Ennis goes outside and comes back in whenever he wants. He eats GIANT food, drinks from a bowl I could bathe in, has more toys than I can count and he doesn't have to share with anyone.

While the daddies were eating dinner, Tico and Ennis started playing. Boys will be boys. To keep from getting trampled, I sat at Daddy's feet and asked him to pick me up. I didn't want any people food or anything. I was tired from exploring Ennis's dog park and just wanted a safe spot for a little nap. Anneedabus fussed at us and made Daddy put me down.

This morning Anneedabus put his hands on his hips, stomped his foot and told Daddy me and Tico were going to have to sleep in our crates at night. It's Tico's fault. He jangled his collar, barked, growled and otherwise carried on so much last night that none of us got any sleep. Well, I did. I only know because Daddy told me all about it.

Daddy had a long talk with me after Anneedabus went to work. He said it wouldn't be fair for me to keep sleeping with him if Tico has to sleep in the crate. Sounds plenty fair to me--I didn't do anything wrong! Then Daddy explained how hard it is for Tico to live with me because I'm so perfect and beautiful. Good point.

We're going to see if Anneedabus will compromise. I'll agree to sleep in my crate Sunday through Thursday if I can sleep with Daddy on Friday and Saturday nights. It's a big sacrifice, I know. That's just how I roll. I hope Anneedabus agrees. I wouldn't think of peeing in his shoes, but I could.

Daddy Worked...and I Helped!

Daddy is remodeling our private dog park. He found out about my super secret doorway. I got impatient waiting for Tico one day and slipped through before Daddy opened the gate. Busted. I've got to find another way out before I go into heat.

We got to help Daddy on Saturday. Me and Tico were in charge of digging holes. It's dirty work, but somebody has to do it. We helped so much that Annedabus had to give us both a bath.

Anneedabus works really hard. He goes away to a secret job every day. Tico went with him one time when he was a puppy but doesn't remember much about it. He goes to school, too. Anneedabus cooks for Daddy, feeds me and Tico, and takes us on walks. While we were digging holes to help Daddy he was cutting down trees. We worked so hard that after our baths, we took a nap.


Next to Daddy, I love Anneedabus more than anyone in the world. I'm glad he's got Tico to cuddle with. As long as Tico is with Anneedabus I don't have to worry about him stealing Daddy from me.

Enough About Me Already

Daddy's computer told him The Adventures of Tico & Toodles has more fans than The Crotchety Old Man. Makes sense to me. Two adorable chihuahuas like me and Tico are more interesting than almost anything I can imagine. Especially when it's mostly about me.

Don't get me wrong. I adore Daddy. I follow him everywhere he goes. Everywhere. There is no place I'd rather be than asleep by his side. Even so, I know as well as y'all do that he can ramble on about the dumbest things. I think it's cute but know he is an acquired taste for some.

Today he told me all about you. One of you lives in Germany. Wow! I bet it's Heidi Klum. Hi Heidi! Tell Seal I said hello and give him a kiss for me!

The rest of you are spread across 16 different states. Most of you live in Georgia, Kentucky, Florida, Virginia and Tennessee. Daddy said I also have friends in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Des Moines, Chicago, San Antonio, and Fargo. Get out! If I ever decide to run away it's good to know I have plenty of options.

I'm famous! And I'm only five months old. Look out! Forget about taking Uga's place as the UGA mascot. I have bigger dreams! Daddy, I'm ready for my close-up!

Better than Daddy's Lap

The windows have been open in our house lately. I love the fresh air, but it can get a little chilly around here--especially in the morning. We chihuahuas aren't really fans of chilly weather.

Tico and I each have our own day beds. Most of the time I prefer to nap in the lap of my daddy where it's warm and I know nothing will get me. You can't be too careful when you only weigh three pounds.

Yesterday morning it was really cold. Daddy made fire in the window behind our day beds. I've never been so surprised in my whole life! I've slept in front of that window many many times and had no idea. When the fire is on the day beds get toasty warm. It's even warmer than Daddy's lap.

Now I need to shout out to a few of my friends:
* Hi to Socia--hope the two street dogs your Momma took in haven't mugged you or anything.
* Big hug to Scarlett--hope you're recovering from your surgery.
* Hi Aunt Gingie--you stop worrying about me and Tico and take care of yourself!
* Aunt Joni Daddy said he was going to bring us to the office to see you soon.
* Cody, take care of Ella and Curly.
* Lucas--hope Terri has passed along the puppy kisses me and Tico sent you.
* Secret Admirer. Thank you very much. I'm flattered. But I don't want to have your babies.
* Tico...Happy Birthday Bro!